The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
