so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
