The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We're too hungover to prance.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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