hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
