He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
