Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
