I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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