She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
