Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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