bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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