So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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