discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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