I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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