on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
