We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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