fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
