I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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