so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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