this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
