woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
