apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
