i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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