I need help removing her.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
