Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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