Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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