don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
