If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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