I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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