paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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