He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
