She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
