3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
