I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you would pick up someone in the library
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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