i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
