Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I stole a fireplace last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
