Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
