All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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