id be glad to
operation have a gay friend backfired
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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