I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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