That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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