Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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