remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
