he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
