Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
