My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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