my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
