Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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