My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
