Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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