By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
